Ogoe #1

Her father was the first person I ever met in Africa.

So wide-eyed after a harrowing five hour stop over in Sophia, we had again paused, but this time in Lagos, Nigeria. He came over and introduced himself, at once kind and soft spoken.
An affable man, a migrant worker on his way back home to Ghana.
You see, his wife had just given birth to his third child.

"Where are you going"?

"uh...to Africa...Ghana..."

"And where do you stay"

"Is there a hostal?"

At us, he laughed. This was not Europe, or Thailand, or any other land already established to the backpacker, the adventure junkie or innocently arrogant hippie youth determined to experience and change the world in a single gesture.

"When we land, you follow me. I will take you home. No worries."

And we did.

He quickly became the guide, protector, teacher, and African father. Without him and his family, the ties would never have been established in the same way.
His kindness was simply his nature.

I haven't seen him since. But our connection remains.

Fourteen years later and I have all but adopted his daughter, who is now sixteen....but that's a gentle tribute for another day.....

Sophisticated Christmas

Now, I fear Christmas time.
As December arrives, each day seems to hold an anniversary or a passing of some significant landmark. It continues until January 16th. Six weeks navigating around a low deep tremble.

This year, it was decided that she and I needed a little calm. I hadn't seen her since she had been moved to the home. Hadn't experienced her good days and bad days that had been briefly explained with the appropriate concern.
And so we were left alone.
The day was vibrant. She commented repeatedly on the snow.

I have an idea, let's go for a walk, the sun is so beautiful. When we come back we will have truffle brie with nice bread and perhaps some grapes and cherries.

"You know what I'd like with that? A glass of white wine."

Than that's what we shall have.

The crisp air woke us, and we walked in the middle of the road. I heard how they'd go skating almost every night in Montreal and Gramps would whip her around.

We got back to the house and set up our sophisticated Christmas in the room with the sunlight pouring in, the white wine sparkling. Us, the grand dames, flinging our shawls, klinking our glasses and crossing our legs.
And having forgotten all of my answers every time, she asked me the same questions over and over, and over and over I responded each time with much depth and thought that by the sixth time she asked me "What is it, why Africa", It was easier to simply tell her the truth.
"I don't know. But I feel the people are fully alive."

Later, I leafed through a cookbook as it began to grow dark. I could hear quiet sniffles from the living room. I tiptoed in and embraced her.

"Memories." she said.

Promises (aka happy new year to you)

1. Admit that you can't finish the book your reading. It's okay. It doesn't have anything to do with your intellect or ability to comprehend. You are just having trouble relating to the story. It may be a temporary disconnect or it may be forever.
Close it. Put it away where you can't see it.
Choose another.


2. Cook and share with friends as much as possible. Include as many versions of Mac and Cheese in your repertoire as you can. Homemade Mac and Cheese is good for you and it is good for your friends.


3.Embrace every opportunity you find to be sentimental or overwhelmed with feeling, whether it be joy or rage or sorrow or calm.


4. Accept nothing but the utmost respect from those around you.


5. Always make sure a good friend has the keys to your home and can come in on their own without ringing the doorbell, knocking or warning. If you are not home, they are welcome to turn on the radio and make themselves tea in your absence.


6. Please, please, please expand your music collection.


7. Perhaps you are addicted to reading your horoscope from five or six different sources each morning. Try to cut that down to two. You no longer need to make sense of what may happen today. Predictions are not necessary anymore. It's time to just see what happens.
If it's bad. You will be able to deal.


8. Maybe it's time for a haircut.


9. You used to boast that you weren't a beach bum type. That you needed activity and couldn't understand why anyone would want to lie around on a beach all day. But now, since looking to the ocean with your deepest heart break, immersing yourself in that incredible vastness and finding the answers, or at least the ability to accept the questions, you cannot think of a more productive activity.
Don't forget.


10. Continue.